Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Changes on this blog

As you may have noticed, I'm actually in the process of making some changes to this blog, having started with the layout (the page appears wider and pictures can be bigger now). I think I've fallen into the convenience of posting mostly images with few words. I plan to put more thought into my posts from now on and actually WRITE about the things that matter to me, whether what I say is politically correct or not. This is what a blog is about after all. I should not be worrying about what others will think of me.

Speaking of which, I felt very irritated with my aunt's question when she called some time ago, that is, whether my ah gong (grandfather) approves of me studying fashion design. You've got to hear the tone in which she said it to understand my impatience. She didn't put it in a casual, interested way, but in an urgent, this-is-very-important manner. The thought that ran through my mind was, what does it matter if he approves or not? I don't live my life for the sake of pleasing people. I'm tired of the way I was- being an obedient child, working for good grades to earn my parents' attention. Ultimately, I earned nothing from that kind of life. At this point, I want to do something for myself. I only wish I had the courage, patience and eloquence to explain this to my aunt. Somehow I'm not sure if it's something that she can fathom. Some people go through decades of life without ever learning the most important things. I don't want to be one of them.

It's extremely annoying that I have to bear with provoking questions, derisive remarks, and not-so-subtle cajoling into studying certain courses. I hate it when people nudge me into studying something that if one knew me, one would NEVER suggest. Things like accountacy and medicine. Conversations run like this:

"What does your sis want to study?"
... Why don't you study medicine too?"

"So what course do you want to study?"
"Fashion design."
"Chey! What are you talking about?"

"... in fact, I'd be very happy if you want to study law."

"What's the point of studying those things (arts)?"

My patience is running seriously short already. I'm sorry if I act like I'm superior to those people because, not to sound arrogant, but I do believe I'm smarter than them. I'm way too clever to be persuaded. On the other hand, I have very liberal-minded people around me like my siblings and my other aunt who are perfectly fine with the whole subject. In fact, my brother said I should just "ask Mummy and Daddy to pay for you to go to US". You see, it's really so simple. Either I go or I don't. I've abandoned my local university scholarship applications so as not to give my mum any more excuse to hesitate (which I know she will if I'm awarded one of the scholarships). I know too well how she thinks and behaves, more than she knows me. That's the tragedy of our relationship.

I'm sorry that I keep harping on this subject. The truth is that I'd have had nothing to say if others didn't as well. I hope that this is the last you'll hear from me on the topic.

1 comment:

Ly said...

Persevere, darling! They are people of the previous generation, who have gone through poverty and tough times and want you to avoid that. Their minds work that way. But they will have to learn that there's an expiry date as to when they can steer you in their directions. In this days and age, especially with your talent and determination, you can do whatever you want without inhibition. I'm rooting for you! :)