It's the age-old question for me: fashion design or communication studies? I love both but I have to choose. I feel that communication studies (I'm particularly interested in journalism and advertising) offers a perfect blend of my interests and suits my abilities. With my writing skills, creative ideas, design sensibilities and at times obsessional work ethic, I'm reasonably confident that I can do better than my peers if I enrol in communication studies. But for fashion design, I know that my peers will be super passionate and crazily OBSESSED with the work. They basically live for it. It's not just school, it's not just a job, it's their whole life. If you think you can work hard, there'll probably be someone who works even harder than you. It's an extremely competitive and stressful environment. Not that the other isn't, but I've experienced enough to know that artists are the most dedicated and relentless when it comes to their work.
I think I've already lost out from being in this educational system, which equips people for a certain path, the academic university path. Over there, people spend years preparing to enter top fashion schools like Parsons or FIT. They have portfolio review days at the art and design colleges, which are a big thing. While I'm passionate about fashion, I just don't know if I can do it myself, if you know what I mean. Some think I have talent, but of course I'm better than most people here, because they've never had the chance to even try. It's not so much clothes than I'm interested in, because I'm not the shopaholic who buys a gazillion clothes to wear, but the beauty and creativity of the work produced. I love art for the same reason as well. In this sense I might be more of an admirer than a creator. I like to contemplate and critique art and fashion collections.
I have a burning desire to WRITE. Even if it's just scrawling a few words that strike me in my notebook. I think some people don't understand this. My brother, for example, was confused when I said I wanted to get a Typepad or Wordpress blog account. He just didn't see the need of paying to blog. But for me, writing is like breathing- it's an integral part of my life. And just as one wants to have clean, fresh, wholesome air, I want to have a better experience when writing in my blog, hence the idea.
But enough of this digression. I want to think that I'm not someone who shies away from a challenge. I like to think that quiet determination and tenacity are qualities of mine. At the same time, I can't do something just because I feel obliged to put up a strong front. Right now, the cost of doing fashion design in the US is daunting. It's a prolonged investment that will drain away a huge portion of my family's income, and I don't know whether it's worth it. I really have no idea how I will do in the course. I don't know if I'll have the financial means to support myself and earn back the money. I don't want my parents to make a financial decision they'll regret.
It's hard not to put weight to it when it involves so much money. To do otherwise would be acting like a rich brat and doing a disservice to my parents. I don't mind taking risks, but I also know that one should not gamble beyond his or her means. Is this too big of a gamble?
9 hours ago