Beautiful inside my Mind

I've been through two 'crushes' (you can call them that) on guys. The first one lasted for about a year, and the second for two years. Is that a long time? I don't know. The thing about crushes is that they're extremely PAINFUL, especially the second which was the more serious one among the two. The initial period is truly rocky and the thought of that person just consumes your whole being.

But you know what I realised? It doesn't do any good to keep dwelling on it, 'cos that will just make you more obsessed. Anything that involves an immoderate amount of your time and emotional attachment should set off alarm bells, because that time could be put to better use doing things for YOURSELF. The best thing to do is to immerse yourself in other things, and through that I gained an immense sense of self-satisfaction in my life. No one should need a boyfriend to make their life complete, and singlehood gives one so much more freedom anyway. I think it's much more important to focus on other relationships in one's life. That's one of the things I dislike about dating (though I've never dated). Being so caught up with each other often makes couples neglect other aspects of their life.

Above all, I'm just not ready for a relationship or interested in one right now. I'd rather develop meaningful friendships with the guys around me than concern myself with finding a boyfriend. I think people should be friends first before they think of moving further. So if a guy ever asks me out, I'd suggest that we interact in a communal setting as friends first. I don't want to play the dating game, in which people constantly switch their partners. That seems so incredible to me, because it's like they're trivializing their own emotions as well as others'. I'd only get into a relationship if I'm ready for commitment, which I'm not now. Maybe when I've reached my brother's age?

All I needed was some time. Because even though those crushes seemed so intense when they first hit me, the fact is I didn't know the persons well enough to justify such attachment. With time you get to see things in a clearer light, and more often than not the obsession fades away, which proves that it wasn't as 'serious' as you might have thought.