I went swimming last Sunday evening for the first time in almost two years.
It was only when I slipped into the water did I realize how much I'd missed the sensation. As a young girl, I used to swim every week until I was hit with a serious bout of eczema. The water was torturous on my raw, weeping skin so I had to give it up. It was never the same after that. Even when my eczema went away, I found it hard to get back in the water. Somehow you develop a block to things you've stopped doing for a long time.
No doubt my swimming skills have become rusty, but I still enjoy the calming effect that water has on me. I love to float on my back and close my eyes. That swim allowed me to release all the stress I've been feeling lately and the coolness was delightful in the hot weather. I found myself thinking, "I should do this again sometime." The subsequent soak in the jacuzzi was great as I'd never been in one before. As I rested my head on the edge of the jacuzzi, I could see the newly-risen moon through the bushes. I thought about my life.
It's strange that there's stress in my life now. When I was schooling, stress was of a different nature, and somehow good. Stress came from rushing to obtain good grades and meet deadlines, and that was fulfilling in a way as it prompted me to work hard and produce results. Now, stress comes from the anxieties I feel about going to college, which are often caused by what others say. I'm constantly overwhelmed by the negativity of my mother, who doesn't seem to have a single positive thing to say about me going to college. The problem in our relationship is a lack of balance. She doles out critiscism but doesn't give praise. I often think to myself, "You're hardly even home to talk to us and this is what you choose to say?" This is invariably something negative.
This situation is nothing compared to what has happened between me and my aunt. I'm shocked at the extent to which prejudice can blind people. It's not as if I'm a total stranger to her. Honestly, I'm not so much angry as hurt at her judgement of my character. I can forgive, but I don't think I can ever forget her words. I don't think I can ever talk to her again, knowing what she has said behind my back.
You know what they say about not letting yourself be surrounded by people who make you feel inferior? But what happens if those people are your family or relatives?
1 hour ago