Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I can't stand people looking at me like I'm crazy, and talking to me like I'm someone dense. They don't believe me, and they don't take me seriously. Sometimes it's hard to just keep doing something different, something difficult, when people don't support you. But I know what I'm capable of, and that's the most important thing.

To most people, good grades mean the world. For me, they come so often that I've become numbed. They're simply a red mark on a piece of paper. They can't bring me happiness, or love, or peace of mind and body. I'm not any happier than others. It is only when I love what I'm doing, and I pour my heart and soul into it, and see the results, do I get a sense of immense gratification. The results actually mean something.

Maybe people think they know me. They shouldn't think that the picture they're getting is really what I'm like.

Or is this what happens when people grow up? They become a herd of nameless and faceless people. For a terrible moment, I realised I'd nearly become another one of them. The real me would never have gone against her desires, her passions. That was why I was so desperate and afraid. I felt as if I was losing my soul. So what I did, I did it to save myself.

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